Ramadan - Day 2

OH MY GOD!!! Everyone just come and slap me silly!!! I managed to complete the fast today!!! Ok ok ok ... not without bitching and throwing tantrums (rubbing my feet, pouting and sulking). Thank you for being patient with me darling... and sayang me throughout the day. I love you...

Fast forward to Ba'alwi. Did my usual sunnat + Zuhr + Ashr = 12 Raka'ats. Not too bad. Took me more than 20 minutes. Took my time to praise and worship Him. No more "please let me strike toto" * stuff like that... It was beautiful... nice... I WANT MORE!!!

I broke my fast with a cigi... contarary to what you people may think... it sucked. I mean it! It tasted horrible! Yikes! But I still needed my nicotine fix (yes darling... will cut down darling...). Then I went at the side of the prayer hall for makan with my brethren. Nice people all around me today... someone asked if anyone could share his bubur. No one wanted it... but heck... I told him... bring it on dude! Eating was a quiet affair... something which I am not used to at all. But heck... who says it must always be this way? I will join a noiser group tomorrow...

Funny thing is people remember me... I heard my name called at least twice or thrice today. Nice gentlemen (whom was introduced to me as a policeman - he looks every part of it) shouted "Amir Hamzah! Enough food?" I was walking toward the prayer hall when I stopped dead in my tracks. Everyone turned and looked at me. His voice gave me a shock! (which doesn't happen frequently). But it was nice to have people remember "This Chinese Guy". Attention seeker arent' I? I assure you not.

Prayer was good. As usual... can't concentrate in congregation. So monkey see monkey do... apa boleh buat? Oh... did I mention today's spread not so elaborate? I don't wanna complain... but I wanna seek the menu. My dearest Su was at Al-Falah today... AND THEY HAD BRYANI!!! Wa Lau Eh!!!

28 days to go... Will I profit from this experience? Or will I continue to force myself, not fully believing in the merits of the fast? Will I be the hard-assed MF whom I am after this is done (probably)? Or will I be saner and more patient and more accomodating? The what ifs out number the constants. I am still Chinese by birth. But I am also in love with a Malay/Muslim girl who advocates non confrontational approaches to situations. I want to be the best for her. But I'll be the first to admit it's not the easiest thing in the world. But having the thought that whatever power that she has over me is whatever power I choose to give her! Hahaha...

I love you Su... now & forever... but why only forever? I'll love you even after forever... because forever's too short...

jahwsl
25 Sept 06'