Changes
Everything I was angry about was mentioned in all three weeks of marriage prep course. Finally completed a legislated three week doctrine on how to waste your precious sundays. Legislated because of the insecurity of many. Stats on broken marriages remain unchanged though.
We had a counselling session yesterday. I honestly did not feel that I had a need to be there. I know it was going to be me settling her issues. Her issues alone. Twice I tried to walk out and twice she blocked the door and screamed and shouted. Why can't I leave? I am unhappy in this relationship. I've decisions to make and I've choices availiable. I am equipped with the knowledge and sense to be mindful of my decisions.
The past month has been extremely trying for the both of us. She does not see the need to pull up her socks. She thinks that my requests to do certain things are jokes that do not carry any weight. She feel that trying to decide the color scheme of the house, layout, etc, is something that can afford to wait till we get the keys, despite my insistence on wanting to be able to know what we want first as opposed to cramping everything in the last minute. I want to move in as soon as I can. She doesn't see the need to decide or suggest. She sees no urgency nor importance in that. I am unable to accept that. Just tell me you do not want to do it, instead of saying that it's our house and we should make a decision together. I agree. We should make decisions together. But I need help in making those decisions.
It irritates me when someone talks about the things they plan to do for months and do not get their feet down to anything. Not even a small attempt to show for anything.
My request was to get married as soon as possible. That request was made in December. She wants it in April. So that all her relatives can join in. Ok. Have it your way.
The wedding's off. I've decided that she needs to prove herself to me. I've been the one giving till it hurts. I'm giving her all my money, time, effort and a host of other goodies. I'll be better off giving them to someone who cares. There're a couple of girls who've shown a little interest in me. And I'm deciding to give them all a shot of being Mrs. Wong. Obviously Su doesn't want the title that badly.
jahwsl
1623
21 Jan 07'
We had a counselling session yesterday. I honestly did not feel that I had a need to be there. I know it was going to be me settling her issues. Her issues alone. Twice I tried to walk out and twice she blocked the door and screamed and shouted. Why can't I leave? I am unhappy in this relationship. I've decisions to make and I've choices availiable. I am equipped with the knowledge and sense to be mindful of my decisions.
The past month has been extremely trying for the both of us. She does not see the need to pull up her socks. She thinks that my requests to do certain things are jokes that do not carry any weight. She feel that trying to decide the color scheme of the house, layout, etc, is something that can afford to wait till we get the keys, despite my insistence on wanting to be able to know what we want first as opposed to cramping everything in the last minute. I want to move in as soon as I can. She doesn't see the need to decide or suggest. She sees no urgency nor importance in that. I am unable to accept that. Just tell me you do not want to do it, instead of saying that it's our house and we should make a decision together. I agree. We should make decisions together. But I need help in making those decisions.
It irritates me when someone talks about the things they plan to do for months and do not get their feet down to anything. Not even a small attempt to show for anything.
My request was to get married as soon as possible. That request was made in December. She wants it in April. So that all her relatives can join in. Ok. Have it your way.
The wedding's off. I've decided that she needs to prove herself to me. I've been the one giving till it hurts. I'm giving her all my money, time, effort and a host of other goodies. I'll be better off giving them to someone who cares. There're a couple of girls who've shown a little interest in me. And I'm deciding to give them all a shot of being Mrs. Wong. Obviously Su doesn't want the title that badly.
jahwsl
1623
21 Jan 07'
posted by Jeremy Amir Hamzah Wong Sheh Liang | 4:10 pm
1 Comments:
Dear Amir, I'm sure Suraya has told you she spoke to me as I wanted to know why the wedding was postponed. I have just read your blog and wanted so much to tell you that Roslee and I have been through many of these trials before and even after 5 years together, we're still trying to accept each others' flaws. I hope my comments here won't be too offensive or seemed like I'm trying to side Suraya since I'm a lady. I just want to provide you with a lady's perspective as you already know, men and women are very different. Moreover, I see a lot of similarity between you and Roslee in terms of your character and I see Suraya a reflection of me. You sound like you're thinking that things are happening in the most negative sense. You sounded like one who's hoping all things go according to your speed and expectation, but fail to understand that not everyone follows that speed and that nobody's perfect. Please don't accuse Suraya of not finding the urgency to marry you and for considering her family. Malay culture holds family in high regard and she, as a woman and a filial daughter, has to take them into consideration too. I'm sure that's something you like about her too. Her way of preparing for the wedding and house may also be due to some reasons but it's just that it doesn't suit the way you do things. Again, it's due to differences between men and women and most importantly, due to differences in character. That's why opposites attract and Allah is Great...he knows that because of opposites, there can then be a balance in the family life. Roslee used to accuse me of many things even before finding out why but we are still trying to communicate better about why we do things in a certain manner. I'm a slow worker and Roslee still cannot understand why but he's accepting it and will advise me to do certain things so that I can have more time to do things based on my speed. See, opposites help one another too. We may all have our perceptions of things, but not all things are as negative as we thought it to be. I hope you'll see that communication needs to be done...not just shoot arrows and accusations before you find things out. Also, for a couple to be together, both sides need to give and take and both of you need to give yourselves more time to do that. You have only been together for a year or so, so now that honeymoon period is over, it's really time to know more about each other and accept each other's flaws. You are just venting your anger and you seem as though you are just giving Suraya a punishment by saying that since she doesn't care, you want to give others a chance. I see it as just another way of assuring yourself that you are still desired. I tried that before but realised my heart is still back where it was. I feel you are not giving yourself the chance to know more about her. You may be giving a lot, but you are not giving that effort to know and accept her. Amir, I hope you won't just throw in the towel after so much effort and sacrifice to be with Suraya. Understand that Muslim and Malay culture may be different from ours and there's still a lot for us to learn about our other half. Please feel free to call me or Roslee should you need someone to talk to. Try to get another perspective of things, not just your own. Whenever we view it in our own perspective, it will always be of extreme negativity. Don't say or do things in the fit of anger lest you regret it. I really wish Roslee and I can help in one way or another.
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