Carrefour Coffee... STAY AWAY

So what if I fasted today? No biggie... thousands of people do it. So why should I feel proud of myself. Can tell you one thing though... I'm managing it better now. I'm able to think slightly better and focus harder than a few days ago, even with the pressures of work. Not too bad I guess... I found that the thing that works for me is getting out of the house. There's 2 reasons for this:

1) I get to see muslims outside who are fasting too. They join their colleagues for lunch but they don't eat. These are the people whom I can look up to...
2) I don't get tempted at home. I leave my cigis and water bottle behind when I go out.

Anyways, the natural progession of this is at 6pm... I'll head down to Ba'alwi. Got to be honest... food there doesn't seem too appetizing anymore (as compared to aother mosque). But it serves the purpose of filling one's stomach.

I may have adapted to the fast, but my temper's still as horrible as ever... maybe even more so. I know it's the withdrawal symptoms of caffine and nicotine, to to continue to use it as an excuse... well... it's just too irresponsible. Allah... please bless me with the sense to keep my cool. I didn't curse at anyone today though... not at the mosque anyway.

Saw another chinese convert. He kept staring at me. Wonder what the fuck for. Could be I brought my green water bottle... But come on... just smile or say hello... I do that all the time... But know what ass-wipe? I can stare too. And I don't give a shit if you're a fucking teacher (he was wearing a Woodlands School Polo - now you know who you are. Dude... I probably have more qualifications than you anyway).

What's this big fucking thing about being a teacher anyway? Wanna do some good? Go and create jobs. Make a REAL fucking difference! I don't know... but unless you're teaching in an elementary school, you really should have REAL working experience managing money, assests and people. Not someone who's fresh out of school. I remember my brother being caught in school for having some porn DVDs in school. Not VCDs... DVDs! Whew!!!

Teacher requested to see me. So here I am, in front of this timid little thing. Those of you who know me would probably know how I reacted to her questions. I did most of the talking anyway.

Teacher - "Mr. Wong, your brother was found with some porn DVDs in his school bag"
Me - "Ya... So?"
Teacher - Eyes Raised
Me - "He's growing up. It's like that. Is he the only one caught with those contraband? (I Know for a fact that a few others were caught too... I confiscated ALL of their's"
Teacher - "Yes, there were a few of his classmates too"
Me - "Did you call their parents?"
Teacher - "Not yet"
Me - "THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME???!!! YOU THINK I'M SO FREE???!!! YOU THINK I'M DANCING AT HOME???!!!"
Teacher - Looking down.
Me - "Next time, come up with a better proposition before you waste my time"

Teacher - "Sorry about this Mr. Wong"

Me - "Be safe, not sorry"

Haha... on hindsight... I acted like a jerk. But heck... she expected me to discipline my brother for things I've done. No way! What's wrong with that anyway? It's not as though he took drugs or anything. At the very best I'll just take the stuff away from him. But that does not mean he'll not find some more right?

For a person who has no REAL experience in the REAL world... dealing with assholes like me is best left to someone a little older. This lady was probably 10 years younger than me. Can't speak clearly nor properly. I wonder how she does her job. But heck... not for me to say. I've applied to be a teacher 3 times... and rejected always. Maybe not meant to be. But I'll not challenge the fucking system (if they have one to start with).

Ok... sorry... digressed... this blog is about my induction into the fasting month and I shall try to remember that.

On the whole, not too bad today. Of course things didn't go my way, but I am pleased with my big old ass that I managed to do it... (with some tantrum throwing). Let us pray...

Allah, praise, worship & glory be to you. Thank You for not letting me slip up as much as I did. For this, I am sincerely grateful. Prep me for Sunday where I have invited a person I REALLY HATE to break fast. I know I should be sincere, and honestly, I was when the thought came to mind. But I am having seconds thoughts. Therefore I pray Allah, that You bless her with the wisdom to realise that I DO NOT SELL PIRATED VCD/DVDs for a living! I also pray for each and everyone of us. Especially those who have gone before us. I pray that You in Your infinte mercy, bless them all that they may reach Your kingdom of heaven. I pray for Suraya, that she may find her "centre" soon. I pray that you would guide me in the things I do, and show me what is "Halah". And I so so pray so hard that You make whatever is "Haram" now to "Halah" (please, please...). Lastly, for my converted brothers and sisters who have or are going to go through the same shit I have... grant them, and me.. the strength to find the sense in this, for we are nothing but lost sheep (just be easy on the staff... if You can Sir). Amin.

jahwsl
02 Oct 06'