Meals on Wheels

A man struck with stroke on his right side of the body walked into Ba'alwi today. Nothing unusual. There are people who are weak, in wheelchairs and with certain disabilities that do find the strength, courage and discipline to go to the mosque for Jemaah prayers.

He doesn't stand and do his takbeer. He improvises while kneeling and of course for other movements as well.

The thing that struck me most was that his stroke hit his right side of the body. One action that really shamed me, as an able bodied person was that when after prayers, he used his left hand to hold up his right hand to 'wipe' his face.

Don't I feel useless now. Here we have a brother who suffers and yet he finds the strength to pray. How many times have I felt too lazy, too tired, too whatever? And here he is, as if a message from Allah, telling me," Hey ass-hole, I put this person in front of you to show you how insignificant you are to Mr. You of all people, brag about how fast and how far you can run and carry loads on your back while you are doing so. Big deal. Look at him! I've taken away his mobility and much of his physical strength. I've also taken away his self-worth. But he is blessed for he does what most people would not do. He climbed up and sought Me."

All right, maybe He would not say those exact words, but I do believe it forms the basis of my inadequacy now. Ahamdulilah! How great it is to see someone who finds the power of faith amist his difficulity! My tounge rolls of words of praise to Him who have promised to deliver us. As in the Beatitudes in the written in the bible - "Blessed is he, who does not see, but believe". Surely this person is not far from the Kingdom of Heaven! Ahamdulilah!

We are so blessed with the mobility, agility and the strength of movements to illustrate His Name. Yet, as pious and as God fearing as we are, we find excuses. I am no different. The only consolation that I use to fool myself is that I collectively prayer 5 times a day (I kadak some prayers and do them at one go, which, defeats the purpose in so that I see now).

Then again. So what? Big fuck if you pray 5 times a day. Are you a better person from it? Do you do good? I admit, I still stare back when people throw looks at me. The human or rather basic aggressive instinct remains honed in my behaviour. I have no qualms starting a fight. Sigh.. at this age, I still behave like a pre-pubescent kid. Probably learnt it from my dad. Or mom. My brother is meek. He doesn't dare argue back when he's pushed or bullied. He'll just back off. That's him.

Anyways, Ahamdulilah! Ahamdulilah! Ahamdulilah! Shame me Allah for You are right to do so! Thank You for putting me back on track. I love life. I love You. And I would love to be a better person for everyone. You have strategically placed people in my lifes to wake me up. And I know that for the past 20 years, I've refused to see Your Way. I had always thought that it was others who were failing. What a fool I have been. What a fool to think that I did not ned You! Forgive me, for I carry the sins of 100,000 men on death-row.

But I rejoice! I rejoice that You love me enough to guide me, again & again! Ahamdulilah! Teach me! Guide me! Bless me! More importantly, give everyone 10 times more of what You would give me! I ask this so that I can prosper from their examples. They are more deserving! Ahamdulilah!

jahwsl
1211
04 Nov 06'