Of Ghosts & Goblins

It's really funny how a daughter can call herself filial when all she does is what she likes to do, without giving a thought to what is really important.

I told Su on the say her dad was transferred to the ICU that we should not be in the room with him too long; let the other people who have not done their part, who always something else to do accompany him. For the guilt will lie heavy with them, not us. We have spent the best of our time and energy for him, and in life, it's not about "if onlys". It's too late for that now.

I've always admired Su for her tenacity and all the virtues that she has and the suffering and fatigue she goes through to visit her dad. It's not easy. A lazy person with no sense of belonging or identity will never be able to do what she does. And I love her for that. Even when we've plans that we've to cancel to look after her dad, I've never blamed her or for the fact, him for it.

What's the use of crying when the person is already gone from our lives? What memory we have is whatever we choose to have, or choose to let happen. No use wailing and crying and whatever drama... it's all over the moment a person chooses not to participate in care-giving, thinking it's a job for all else. High and mighty? Better be!

In all sense of the word, you fucked yourself up real good. The last time he saw you was months ago, and you know it. Shame, shame, shame on you. All the education in the world, all the money in the world will never hide your crocodile tears. You cry not tears of sadness, but drops of guilt. Unfortunately, your guilt has no power over anything, except yourself. Well done! Good fucking daughter you are!

jahwsl
2316
13 Feb 07'