Spoon, Fork or Hand?

It's 458am. I usually keep this sort of hours. Actually, I rarely sleep, to the disgust of the people whom I work with, and of whom work for me. Not surprising to find emails shooting out of my computer at 3am, followed by a call at 8am to the receipient. Sometimes I amaze myself at the inconsideration I possess. Or is it the devil within me? I am blessed with a great team who understands my sense of urgency (sometimes) and who are patient enough not to throw water filled vases at me.

I have no life (well... no social life would be a more accurate account). Probably from the years I've spent away and usually, alone. Leaving home at 14, to many, is an escapism. Not so. It was a method of survival. A means to get by. Then, at that age, I kept a list of items that I wanted to achieve (I am sure many of us do too). Branded watches, luxury cars, etc. But along the way, you begin to develop a sense of urgency, not to manifest your list of wants, but really, in aspects of religion, love, life, social companionship.

I am lucky that I do not see the need to surround myself with friends. Well... not so lucky if you look at the pathetic state that I am in now. The stored telephone numbers in my cell phone are usually foreign. Mostly Indonesian. I've made many a friends there, afterall, I did spend my formative years there. With the current situation now, instead of blaming myself for the lack of initiative, it is better to fill up my time with work. The occasional read would be good (I plan to visit the library tomorrow), as with the virtually non-compliant bottle of wine. That would be good.

Somehow, as I age, I envy those who are surrounded by friends and accomplices. They are blessed. For they are not alone. Whether they continue to be so maybe questionable, but for the interim, the luxury is priceless... at least to me.

Is it my personality? My inability to hold a shallow conversation (by that I mean mindless chatter)? My intolerance for men in their 30's behaving like children? What is it? Someone please slap me (or better yet... just tell me). 32 and nothing to my name. I've achieved nothing except save a couple of animals from being put to sleep in SPCA. And probably pissing a whole battalion of people (but they mean nothing to me anyway... I am not losing sleep over it). Just as well.

I came across a man today. Although my exposure with him is not excessive by any standards, I have learnt alot. Alot of what NOT to do or be. A nice and pleasant gentleman. Polite. Politically correct. Well-mannered. A prospective mother-in-law's dream come true. Ironically, as much as I admire his qualities, he would probably rank among the lowest of the people I would look to in a role model. He's a wimp. Easily bullied and questionable powers to protect his family. Too soft I mean.

Our homosapient forefathers' bodies were made to trek for miles on ends, eat only for the basic sustanance for the body and pro-create when the time (not desire) arises. Although we now, exhibit similar brain structures as them, we begin to get soft. Many of us have lost the killer instinct. Granted, now, we do not participate in hunts or live in an age of fear by being eaten alive by wild animals. I somehow cannot fathom how many of us, who have been through National Service could lose the edge. I would like to think we were well-trained, both physically and mentally. Emotionally, it did take some time to accept the fact that at one point of time, I would possibly have to die for my country.

In my conversation with this person, our views differed greatly. But it was a harmless conversation. Nothing to be sought after, and nothing to be gained. Being Malay, he felt marginalised. No Malay was ever made a general nor a Police Chief. Therefore, why should he fight to defend the nation? True, if you adopt a simplistic cause and effect model on his arguement. But he forgot one thing. The flat that he lives in is subsidised by the government. The car that he drives, may not be subsidised, but it's specs meet the stringent pollution laws here to protect his family. The schools that his children go to extends secular education to all students and invloves inclusionary activities between all races, languages and religions. Not forgetting, and this holds dear in my heart, he and his family, extended or otherwise live in a relatively low crime rated island inhabited by approximately 4 million people. Shallow...

I do not subscribe with Chok Tong's "stayer" or "quitter" label. His words have no impact on me. But I can't say for the rest of the people. What I think of his polices of the policies as laid down by the government is irrelavant. Policies handed down by the government does not dictate the way I live my life. I like the idea of meritrocity. I like the idea of working hard and being rewarded. It's somehow funny that people complain. They gripe about working in a company and being asked to leave without a "golden handshake" package. The complain that they have been marginalised and have no incentives to improve their lives. Let me ask you this then: aren't you looking for a hand-out? Then you're nothing but a glorified begger. You want a better life? Either work harder or be a little more inventive. Do not say that you need a car because of parents, children, etc. hundreds of thousands of people take public transport. Is there a need to change new furniture every year? Again, hundreds of thousands of people make do. Why can't you? Ever heard of frugality? Guess not.

You are pure fucking lazy. Pure fucking simple. *sorry.. am I judging now? I would like to call this the truth*

I would never take a bullet for you, less patch up the wound you may receive in battle, for the same reason you'll never risk your life for me. The less of you, the better. Then the ones who have the desire to protect our families can focus better.

I am not a patriot. Neither am I yearning for political office. I am a humble person seeking a decent living. I have no great ambitions to save the world (although I freelance as a super hero), nor do I harbour the desire to be a national hero. What I have is the strong desire to protect the people I love from harm, danger and ill-will, amongst other things.

Su and I were walking along Serangoon road towards Mustafa centre on Saturday night. She was far in front of me. From my sight, I saw a Bangladeshi, walking on the opposite direction moving in close to her. His intent was obvious. She was quick to avoid him. He wasn't quick enough to avoid my blow to his shoulder (my hand hurt afterward). The same fist found it's way to his friend behind him. Other than let out a shout, they did nothing and disappeared into the busy walkway. Of course someone got a tounge-lashing from me.

On the NEL back, Su did not tell me the same people I hit were in the same cabin as us. She only told me after we were out and on the escalator. She, as they were I assume, were afraid that I would hit them again. There's no need to be afraid dear. Of course I would hit them again. But this time, there would be no running away. Besides, I should be the one more afraid. There were 2 of them. I related this to a few friends of my over lunch one day. Actually a former colleague. He was surprised that I would hit someone. Don't I look like an angel behind a shirt and tie now?

How can I be afraid to stand up against people who try to do damage to me and the people I love. If I had not done what I did, I have failed as a man, as a protector of my family. If brute force is needed, then brute force would be engaged. I have no fear (except for the fear of Allah). Brainless use of force? Of course! But what is most important is I send a message to them. Don't fuck with me. And do not touch my girlie. Only I have access to her! But if through my actions I can send a strong enough message to them not to do what they did to their friends, I may have saved a girlie man some trouble and embarassment.

I have seen men shrink and squrim. It's usually their other half that is stronger and dominant. In some cases, it works. But II can safely say, if I ever have the oppurtunity to be a girl, I would love for my man to protect me, physically, emotionally and all the 'ly"s possible.

But it's only my RM 2 sens worth. My opinion does not fully express the opinions of other mother-fuckers like myself. For people reading this and would like to register your negative comments or suggest ways for me to manage my anger towards tresspassers, please call 1900-what-makes-you-think-i-give-a-fuck. Calls are charged at $0.20 a minute. Remember, the longer to take to register your comments, the more money I stand to make. Alternatively, you can send an email to iamunhappybecause@ilovepussymen.com. Our staff would get back to you as soon as they can.

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jahwsl
0613
05 Oct 06'