Square peg sure can fit in round hole one!

I was about to save this blog when I accidental deleted it. Was thinking of continuing it tomorrow, but I somehow owe it to the people who are reading to to finish it up tonight. I believe there would be typos because I would not be proof-reading this:

The day went well enough. Nothing major (sigh... somehow wished that something major would happen... Good that is...). Did some errands on line and off. Had a fun "shooting the shit" session with Fauz. Spoke to some friends who're thinking off visiting me from Indonesia and Malaysia. Nothing big...

Took a bus to Marine Parade to meet Su to discuss some possible strategies. Su's been somewhat very encouraging in her own manner this fasting month. She'll call mosques that I would possibly go to and ask for the menu (since the day I said the food in Ba'alwi was getting to me), on the pretext that I am allergic to some foods. The top of the list today was at Kampung Siglap. Assam Pedas (many of us nearly choked on the tiny bones), rice, veg and of course, burbur & dates. I got on a bus at 5pm and managed to arrive there (on a SUPER BUS) by 515pm. Went in and asked a group of four gentlemen directions to the prayer hall and ablution area. Said thanks and thought nothing of it.

Ok, before I go on, I have this thing that I usually do (I know it's not right, but whatever works right?!). I'll not perform my dawn, noon or afternoon prayer if I know that I would be going to a mosque. I'll do them in one go. Usually it'll take me a half hour. I do it slowly and I FULLY concentrate. Today, it was a little less than an hour. Nothing eventful, except for an ass-wipe who is the first person to test my patience in a prayer hall. He was one of the group of four where I asked for directions.

I'll save the nitty gritty, because our conversation went on for a little more than 10 minutes (alot can be said in 10 minutes). I'll call him AW - ass wipe for short. Here's how it went.

AW - Assalam'kum
Me - Mualaikum'salam
AW - You Chinese?
Me - Yes I am Chinese. I am a convert.
AW - *says something in arabic - praises I assume*

Then the conversation went on how I should find a teacher and stuff like that. I get the feeling either he is waiting for me to ask him who to recommend (obviously I would assume himself - most people who say similar things like that to me usually do) or he's just making me feel small - which usually has no effect on me whatsoever. Cut to:

AW - You MUST find a teacher to teach you
Me - Not now.
AW - But you MUST learn from a teacher!
Me - Nope, not now. I don't even believe. I convert because of my girlfriend. But I am learning it slowly by myself now.
AW - Like that you are not sincere!
Me - *raising my voice* WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?! WHO DIED AND MADE YOU GOD?! I AM LOSING MY TEMPER NOW!
AW - *attempts to put his hand on my chest and says something in arabic*
Me - DON'T TOUCH ME!
AW - I hope ALLah will bless you
Me - FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!
AW - *attempts to say something*
Me - FUCK OFF!

All this happened in the prayer hall. Everyone was looking in my direction but looked back once I turned to them. I don't think I made a very good impression on many people in Kampung Siglap. The fucking hell I care. I don't go to the mosque to socialise. I go to the mosque to pray (it helps there's free food). Whatever I do, or fail to do for that matter is between Allah & me. No one else. Why? I am certain that on the day of judgement, I'll be called to explain and justify (or not) for the things that I have done. And I am pretty sure no one will stand up for me. So there you have it.

One of the virtues of being a Muslim is respect for elders. I do, to a certain aspect encourage that. I myself try my best to do that. But where do you draw the line? Where do you draw the line between respect, tolerance and encouraging a cock sucking "know it all" like Mr. AW? If I were to say: Yes Sir, Yes Sir, three bags full, will I not be encouraging him? All right, we all know for a fact that I am not that great a person. I didn't look at that perspective. I was pissed he called me insincere. If I am, so be it. Then my question is, would I make the effort to go to the mosque or fast? Maybe, for a different persona. But my sincerity is only given to people whom I trust. I do not trust him. In fact, early in the conversation I had this feeling he was trying to sucker me. Regardless, I do not appreciate someone telling me what I know or what I do not know. The theory of "He tells you what your inner conciousness want to tell you" may hold some water. But I don't fucking care. Why? Because I am not a mat. Plain and simple. I will always remeber this saying, "Do not be humble. You're not that great". I follow that almost as religiously as I take a leak when nature calls.

I have zero tolerance for people without knowledge. Afterall, "a little knowledge is a very dangerous thing". In our conversation, I did say that I was a Catholic who attended daily mass for 8 years. I bet he NEVER prays at a mosque for everyday straight for 8 fucking years of his goddamm life. He told me that in every bible, the words are written differently. Some bibles have verses that others don't. That is totally not true. If that was the case, wouldn't the Christians have already realised that and tried to plug the hole as what King Edward did? There are no mistakes in the bible. Everything must be taken into context. FYI, Abraham, Moses Jesus and Mohammad worshipped the SAME GOD! It is only the name that we call on Him that is different! Ass wipe, if you're smart enough to be reading this: Name me the four books given to man by God. I don't know what school you went to, but I bet the BIBLE probably wasn't on your list. Playboy or Gay USA doesn't count as a book. It's a montly published erotic-entertainment magazine.And about about the prophets? Jesus wasn't one of them?

You may wear a gown, don a nice looking turbam with frills and have a jangut, but you're an empty vessel. I was raised in a Methodist school for a good ten years of my life. And I held offices in Catholic missions. You think you're so smart? Old may not necessarily be gold dude. Think it's YOU who needs a teacher. Damm retard.

I go to the mosque to pray. Not to socialise. Not to make friends. If that happens, it's is the grace of God. Not to impress others nor to create a New World Order (Osama has tried and failed - read the news lately?).

I remember I had a quarrel with Su's mother. It was a time when I convertd without anyone knowing. Her microbiologist sister came into the room (we had arranged a counselling session with only Su & her mother... but she came along) For a microbiologist, she's not too bright. Upon finding out that I had converted, she said that shouldn't I tell everyone that I converted, so that the situation would be qwelled (Su's mother had a problem with me not converting IMMEDIATELY when we dated. And she's a divorcee by the way). What she said was well and true. But like what I said, she's not very bright. As superficial as she is, she failed to realise 2 very important things: I am not a mat & I have nothing to prove to no one. Especially to insignificant people. See? Not very bright. She should get her money back from the place where she got the degree from.

Pai seh... digressed.. Cont'd :

And you want to know the best part? After magrib, I was walking towards him. He saw me and changed his direction. You coward! You have the audicity to tell me lies and yet you do not dare confront me?! Does Islam teach you to behave this way?! You proselytise and preach, but you practise not one word of Islam. Shame shame on you. I hope whatever name you call your god, that he will bless you sorry little ass. The God whom I worship does not teach me to judge nor belittle.

If anything, this encounter has taught me to be proud of 2 things:

1) Proud to be a Muslim with little knowledge - I am aware that my knowledge is limited. And therefore, I have the desire to learn. More importanly, I always approach things with an open mind, for an open mind can conquer many things.

2) Proud to be Chinese - I am not racist. But it is the Malay culture to be patient (I would say more of a virtue) and not challenge age and the wisdom that is supposed to accompany it. I stood my ground and fought off his advances. I proved that if you want to teach me something, do it with the sincerity of wanting me to be a better person from it, not because you think you are doing me a favour. I need no favours from no one. I can hold my own.

Hypocrites will bear the bane of my whip. Liars will face the blade of my gulotine. I grind my blade daily and it falls sharp and swift.

After writing this, I am no longer anrgy with him. In fact, I feel sorry for his god forsaken ass. He has assumed the position of God and passed judgement. I truly feel sorrry for him. I sincerely wish he'd repent and be wiser from it. The Chinese has this saying "huo tao lao, xue tao lao". Loosely translated, it means, "you will always learn, even when you're old".

OMG!!! I didn't even bitch about fasting!!! Yeah!!! Ahamduilah!!! Some more!!! Bring it on!!!

Dear Allah, please bless all of us here. Give us the humity to seek the knowledge and the truth that You have intended for us to find. Give us strength so that we can fulfil all Your desires. And bestow on us all of Your blessings (all ah!) that we may be good Muslims to reflect the goodness of You to all around us. Bless that mother fucker too dear Lord. Amin.

jahwsl
05 Oct 06'